by Tom Langdon
This reflection in the form of a back-and-forth dialogue with the Divine Mother is inspired by the discursive meditation exercise taught in Cafh. The meditator has the feeling that his life is not very significant. He starts by asking the Divine Mother a question:
How can I pursue meaning in this life?
- The Divine Mother responds to him: Are you with me?
Yes, I am.
- Are you open to being guided?
- Do you open your heart to be oriented? Do you trust your heart to orient you?
I open my heart.
- Trust your heart. It is a part of the One. Entrust your heart and your thinking to me.
Will I have my own thoughts, feelings—my own free will?
- Give your thoughts and feelings to me, and your will—and you will be free.
In doing this, do I no longer control my life?
- Your life is controlled by many forces, internal and external. Your will also has been shaped by them. You can claim your freedom by giving up what you have been influenced to think of as your ownership of yourself.
Does this put me out of control of myself?
- When you offer yourself to serve, you assume responsibility for your destiny. Then you begin to transform. Offering yourself, you transform yourself.
Will I transform into a new person?
- When you continuously offer of yourself, you will continuously become who you are meant to be.
If I do not, then what?
- To the extent that you hoard yourself instead of offering, you are determined by others and by biology. You continue an unknowing servitude. To the extent that you offer your life, you will uncover and actualize more of your true potential.
How is this giving to be done?
- It is through a continuous commitment, which is much more than a decision; it is a work in progress, a work of the heart.
How does my heart do this work?
- Trust in your heart that there is a Great Work, and that your work is a part of it. This is a movement of your heart, to trust in this. Your mind can think about this as a theoretical possibility, that there is an integrated work into which your actions can fit. And your strong sense of purpose can make this movement of trusting, this committing.
I have always felt that there is such a thing as the Good, an ultimate good, beyond the relativities. Is that a start?
- Your feeling that there is a Good has been given to you; it is a given affect. You can nurture and develop it and use it. This can be the starting-point of trusting that you are a part of the whole, that you are integrated into a whole, the Great Work.
I feel good about this; I want to be integrated in my feelings and actions and thoughts. I want to be whole, and I have always had that yearning. I want to give myself to this integrated whole.
- You give yourself to it when you trust that it is, and that you are integrated into it—even though most of the time you will not be experiencing the joy of being at one with the whole. You will be more and more at one with the One without feeling this way.
Will I not feel integrated at all? Will I just be given a part that I play out without feeling?
- Sometimes you have felt this integration and that is a part of your path. But much of the time you need to nurture feeling and not expect it to come to you. You need to nurture feelings of responsibility.
How does that happen?
- You open your heart in the moment. You are good now at opening your mind in the moment, but at the same time you can also open your heart more. This will show you what is needed in the moment.
- Your mind and your heart can work together to see a connection between a need and your potential to be of service, to be useful. Working together, your actions will be energized, motivated, because it will be clear that your position in time and space and your capacities are matched to a need in the present moment.
- You can mindfully understand and care about this as an opportunity to do what you yearn to do: be a part of making things better. Being aware of the need and of the capacity to fill it becomes a motivation. It is more than a cognitive awareness, it is also an affective awareness, a caring, a mindfulness of opportunity to make an action of offering. It might not feel warm and fuzzy. It might just feel compelling. The warm and fuzzy or proud feelings might try to crowd in, however.
What do I do with those egotistical feelings?
- You can try to stuff them but that doesn't work, as you know. You just let them be. Let them pass by. Cut short the stories of the past or the fantasies of the future, which usually are about others admiring how good you are. Just go with the feeling of being compelled to do what needs to be done. Focus the mind and the heart on the task and stay with it.
I am inspired. How do I put this into action?
- Always listen for me. I am here. I will say, "Are you with me?"